Check This Sh!T: Amazon Fresh Serves Cannibalistic Needs

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I was surfing Facebook the other day, seein how many ladies were checking me out on my Social Profile (like a lot, btw) and I noticed the ad above.

Words from the wise to the dumb:

"Sir, while you may live a lifestyle you love and profit from it, you are also fat, and dare I conjecture, deficient in intimate experiences with the opposite gender?"
~ Logan Vance

Probably My Best Idea, Ever.

Aside from inventing a new exercise to sculpt my abs into the shape of a 4-leafed clover for St. Patrick's day, I think this is probably the best thing I've ever come up with. The Ultimate Dream Ticket:
Barack Obama and Morgan Freeman

Honestly, has nothing been more clear in the history of existence?

Let's look at what this dream-team has going for them:
1). They're both awesome.
2). Barack is all about change and Freeman is all about awesome.
3). While Obama has never narrated a movie before, I'm sure he's one of the few that could rival his new running mate. (Imagine how awesome a tag-team speech between the two of them would sound!)

When explaining this to someone else they said, "Yeah, and they're both black." Are we really that immature as a nation? I mean, come on, seriously? On that note however, Samuel L. Jackson could also possibly fill in for Freeman. Otherwise, I'd have him as the Secretary of Defense (did you see Snakes on a Plane?)

The 3G iPhone is Here (Finally!)

So that girl came in the other day, the one that's bought one of every iPod we sell. She came over to me and asked if I could sell her one of the new 3G iPhones (Cause she knew they were hiding in the back room). I politely told her no and she turned to leave.

Then she turns back around comes up to me, kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear, "you look even sexier than the new iPhone," and then left.

Honestly, it was a little weird. I hope she's not one of those people that finds computers, iPods, and cellphones sexually attractive because then we'd be way too much in common.

I've got a Stalker

This girl, Sami I think her name is, has come into the store 2-3 times a week for the past few weeks now. Each time she buys a new iPod. But not the same one, it's always something different. She started small and bought a silver iPod shuffle, then a purple one. Then she bought an iPod Nano and the next day, an iPod classic. Last week she bought a 16GB iPod touch on Tuesday and then a 32GB one that Friday. When she came in yesterday I told her we were all out of iPhones (which I figured would be the next logical step in her purchasing pattern) so she bought an AppleTV instead.

The thing is, she ALWAYS comes to me for her purchases. Someone else offered to help her once but she turned him down and walked straight over to me for help.

More on this as it progresses. My guess is she'll be in either Monday or Tuesday this week to buy the new 3G iPhone. Seriously it's totally awesome. Oops, I wasn't supposed to reveal that ;P

I'm not like Hillary Clinton.

The other day Jon Stewart called Hillary Clinton a deranged narcissist for not dropping out of the election (after Barack won, woot!). Later that day someone compared me to Hillary - to which I have a few things to say:

1). While we are both very manly masculine people, Hillary has a surprisingly lady-like set of boobs (maybe she's transexual?)

2). I am comfortable with my narcissistic tendencies. Ignorant people who say things like, 'You're deranged like that transexual running for president' are what is holding this country back. Seriously mom, fuck you. I can't believe you said that to my face after you walked in me while pretending to be Buffalo Bill.

Getting Hit on @ Work Can Suck Big Time

I got written up at work today. This old woman who looked like she should have been shopping for a gramaphone comes in and starts asking me questions about iPods. Apparently her granddaughter wants one for her birthday. If she had just stayed on topic about the iPods I wouldn't have had a problem, but as our conversation progressed I realized she was totally hitting on me. She kept saying stuff like "what a nice young man you are Mr. Logan", and "You're being so helpful". I got fed up with it and laid out in no uncertain terms how I was not into her. A long story short, apparently saying, "I'm just not in to black chicks" can be construed as racist.