Monday, April 21, 2008

Mickey Mouse is a Nazi Too

Right now I'm writing this post from my hotel room in Disneyland. The place that claims it's "The Year of a Million Dreams", but apparently not one of them is mine. To be fair, I didn't start this vacation in the best mood. My experience at the airport was predictably horrific; they didn't even let me bring ONE can of Axe on board. I didn't want to throw them away so I used all four them right there in front of the metal detectors. The security guys were pissed but by then the line was held up so much they couldn't give me a hard time for smelling awesome.

Then when I get on the plane, like the idiot that [people say] I am, I got into the same argument with the flight attendants that I always do. They say I have to sit in the section I paid for, I say that I'm clearly a first class guy who deserves better than coach.

So you can imagine my reaction when I finally got into Disneyland and tried cutting in line. The chick in charge of the ride starts yelling at me. By this time I've had enough crap from those kinds of people so I fired back by asking to speak with her manager. The next thing I know this short porker wobbles over and says HE is the manager. As you might imagine I flipped out right there. First thing out of my mouth is "You're not the manager Porky Pig [I actually said that!] and if I don't get to speak to Mickey in 5 minutes I'm going right up to the top of his palace to give him an earful about what kind of crap's been going on in his kingdom."

Long story short, Porky Pig is a Warner Bros' character, and I'm banned from the Magic Kingdom. They wouldn't even let me take my case to one of the Embassies over at the Epcot center (apparently that's in the "Florida Disneyland"). I guess one of Mickey's "million dreams" is to build a dysfunctional police state for kids.


Anonymous said...

You: Fucking idiot.

Rest of World (ROW): Pretty tired of fucking idiots.

Your Life: Us explaining that to you using the least amount of energy possible, event by event, for the rest of your life. All billion of us chip in 15 seconds or so; You chip in every waking second of your life. Eventually, you die and we all get our 15 seconds back.

Anonymous said...

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